EXAMPLES OF HOW JEFF CAPEHART WOULD REFUSE TO HEED MY REQUESTS TO STOP
ENCOURAGING OTHERS, TO SHARE INFORMATION WITH THEM, OF HOW HE BLAMES ME
(THE VICTIM) FOR HIS ACTIONS, AND HOW THIS ACTIVITY PLACES ME IN DANGER
OF FURTHER HARASSMENT AND STALKING:
In the below email exchange with Jeff, rather than take my
repeated request for a hearing regarding problems with Scott West and other
members of the club to the GARS Executive Board as I wanted, Jeff would
commonly argue with me, INSTEAD. I just couldn't make him stop. In the below,
instead of acknowledging the problem, and suggesting the right thing to do,
Jeff actually tries to encourage me to make Scott ANGRY with me instead, which
is something that could make the situation WORSE. Scott was unstable -
and Jeff knew it. Scott was not a level-headed thinker. Scott was an
antagonist prone to harass and threaten, and Jeff should've known better than
to try to incite a hot-headed person. For example, Scott used to work at
Gainesville Regional Airport as a security guard. One day, when a couple
ignored his instructions to stop, he pulled his gun them. You don't pull
a gun on people for not doing what you ask. You pull a gun when your LIFE is in
danger. When you have to pull a gun, there's an investigation, lots of
paperwork, psychological interviews, lots of explaining in order to justify it.
Scott used his gun to intimidate and harass because he didn't like that
someone wasn't listening to him; and Jeff was messing with such a guy
and aiming him my way. And what really pisses me off is how Jeff has
this "charismatic" way of making even what is wrong sound like it is the
RIGHT, most LOGICAL thing to do. This is a man with a high IQ. He's not
stupid, and not exactly socially on the 'oblivious' side. He knows better. He
continuously put me in harms way by POINTING deranged people my way. And when
I'd complain, he feign non-understanding of the problem, and would typically
try to make me feel like I was being utterly ridiculous... -Todd
From: Jeff Capehart [w4ufl@ham.w4dfu.ufl.edu]
Sent: Thursday, April 28, 2005 1:33 PM
To: Todd L. Sherman / KB4MHH
Subject: ssssseeeyoooouuu
I see that. He is doing it on purpose just to "get your goat". The
problem is you visibily show when your goat has been "got" and that is the
"reward" he is getting.
You wish to disengage or not at all engage in dialogue with him, yet he
throws this stuff up and its up to you to dodge. Well, stop being on the
defensive and go offensive. Head him off at the pass.
Make HIM look like the inferior one. Say stuff like...
So, Scott, uh, did you pass General yet? What is this the 8th time??
Or,
So, Scott, uh, are you still banned from the NWS JAX?
or,
So, uh, Scott, um, did you recruit any boy scouts into ham radio yet?
or
So, uh, Scott, uh, hows that AGWPE sound card packet working?
Just keep hitting HIM over and over and over with all his failed projects
and soon *HE* will be the one avoiding you!
Its that simple.
Quit "giving" him the reward he is looking for and the smirky
satisfaction he gets. Quit "caving" to that. Quit harboring all that
resentment. It doesn't do you any good. It slides off him like teflon
and sticks to you like glue.
Do whatever it takes to rid yourself of the guilt, resentment,
inferiority, or whatever it is that is attracting him to you as a target
of bullying. I don't know what it is, but he sure zeroes in on it and it
is working.
Don't give him the satisfaction by being affected by it.
Jeff
On Thu, 28 Apr 2005, Todd L. Sherman / KB4MHH wrote:
> Asshole. See the smart-ass "sssssseeeeeeyooouuu" at the end? That's what
> he'd say to me when he'd just finish saying something smart, or he knew he
> was being a pain in the ass.
>
> Todd
From: Jeff Capehart [w4ufl@ham.w4dfu.ufl.edu]
Sent: Friday, April 29, 2005 2:28 PM
To: Todd L. Sherman / KB4MHH
Subject: RE: ssssseeeyoooouuu
On Fri, 29 Apr 2005, Todd L. Sherman / KB4MHH wrote:
> "IGNORE him, you IDIOT!", Jeff sez.
> "GIVE HIM WHAT HE *WANTS*, you IDIOT!", Jeff sez.
> I can't believe you're telling me this.
>
> I'm NOT playing that kind of game with him! I PROMISE...all it will do is
> get WORSE. I've already LEARNED from this guy...you play around with him,
> then you risk him breaking VARIOUS harassment and stalking laws with you.
> (You should know this, already. I guess he hasn't done it to YOU yet, so
> it's not as easily registered, yet.)
In the above I tried to point out how the things that Jeff
says often make no sense at all and even very often contradict themselves.
Jeff wasn't in it to help. He was in it to cause confusiuon and to try and
EXACERBATE a situation because it made him feel good to watch me suffer.
-Todd
Scott is calling me and harrassing me far less now that every time I see
him the first thing I do is call him to the table on the status of all the
projects he is supposed to be working on. Try it--- you'd be surprised
how off-kilter and off-balance it will put him. It immediately puts him
on the defensive. He doesn't have time to attack or think about anything.
And then when he does try to come up with an excuse, you can just totally
blow it off and ignore it and fire another shot across his bow with yet
ANOTHER project that he has failed to come through on. See? If you do
that consistently every time he is around BEFORE he gets a chance to say
"Hey Todd How's it going BUDDY!", then he will be the one avoiding you!
Surely you already know all the projects he has claimed he would do that
he has dropped the ball on. He sure loves to rag on you for "dropping the
ball" on the EMWIN demodulators,
pagers, or whatever he wants to harp about. Even if he doesn't know what he is
talking about, he will complain about something.
So don't let it get to that point. Keep firing and then walk off before
he gets a chance to even answer. Ask the question pointedly and very
publicly and then don't even stick around for the answer. That is
probably the best way to "show him".
What you the reader just missed completely in the above was
how Jeff just described EXACTLY, to a 'T', how he is able to manipulate people
into seeing what he WANTS people to see, and how he is able to make anyone
look like an idiot whenever he wants. Scott was a jerk, but he often used this
on me whenever I tried to make Jeff stop, or if I complained about the things
he was doing - like encouraging Scott West, and Jay Leiberman, and Phil and
Melissa Royce into harassing and stalking me. And the other thing that you the
reader didn't notice is in the third paragraph. You see, how would Scott KNOW
to complain about the EMWIN demodulators "and stuff?" With Jeff, you have to
really pay attention and really use your brain. The answers are
in the things that he says to you. But you never notice the
answers because he speaks in such a confident-sounding manner and in a
way that sounds logical and you end up being thrown off into accepting
perfectly ridiculous BULLSHIT as if it were sound. It's amazing to watch happen
and I've seen him do this time after time to people. They never recognize
it when it happens, either. What Jeff MEANT in the third paragraph was,
"I didn't personally like the way that you were handling things with
the EMWIN demodulators, the pagers, or whatever; and to get you to do what I
wanted, I complained about you...a LOT...to people who were low-browed
and intelligent alike. The intelligent people wouldn't DO anything but they'd
just think you were stupid - which did exactly what I wanted. The
low-browed people were just stupid enough to try to actually DO things to you,
and to try to make a 'mission' out of 'taking care of' you, and I knew
that they might resort to stalking, harassment, email bombing, pager bombing,
leaving threatening messages, ringing your phone off the hook, etc., etc., etc.,
because I've actually witnessed their history of doing that. And again,
this suited what I wanted, too. Because in the end, 1) people thought
you were stupid, which is good because you're taking all my attention away
and the only way I can look good is if I make you look bad; and 2) the
harassment and/or embarassment that came as a result of what I was doing to you
would hopefully encourage you to do what I originally wanted ANYWAY.
Either way, I got what I wanted; and if I DIDN'T, I still got to enjoy watching
you go through all the hell...which was just as fun." WIth Jeff's emails,
they always ended up sounding more like something out of The Screwtape
Letters - where some elmer demon was trying to teach a younger less
experienced demon how to be the best at his craft that he could be, rather than
any really helpful, meaningful, or concerned words. And it really scares the
hell out of me how NO ONE EVER NOTICES this stuff...mostly because the email
exchanges are only between me and Jeff, not involving anyone else. So they
never get to see it. -Todd
> People just need to GROW UP. That's all there is to it. And
> others...like club officers, need to step up and recognize when other
> members are acting wrongly, and take official action to stop it. However,
> in the GARS mentality, this could bring on a lawsuit - even though they've
> not ever experienced one in the club's lifetime. There IS such a thing as
> "improper conduct." But GARS and other clubs have such a fear of lawsuit
> nowadays that that section has been completely whited out of the GARS'
> Robert's Rules. But THAT......is why people like Scott continue.
> ...Because the GROUP does not form a circle and cross its arms and say "you
> must stop this or we'll oust you." In this case, that's really what is
> needed. However, I GAVE GARS official notice of what Scott was doing before
> and they ignored it. They in effect condoned Scott's actions and told him
> that he could continue if he wanted. THAT'S why I'm still dealing with
> Scott. The "group" told him that what he was doing was "ok". It has
> nothing at ALL to do with anything I'm doing or not doing.
I seriously doubt there was an official decision to say it was "ok". More
likely it was collectively (but separately and individually) ignored and
nothing more came of it.
So in the above, first Jeff deliberately twisted what I said
around, then basically repeated exactly what I had said. It's not about
logic. It's about making Todd realize how stupid he is. It's about putting
Todd in his place. And if I argued with him, or told him to stop, these
argumentative emails would still come anyway, in outright refusal of my
demands. :( It's about making Todd realize HE is the problem and that
everything that happens to him at Jeff's hands is my OWN fault. In this sick
fashion, Jeff would vindicate his actions and make himself actually seem like
he was helping me; doing me a 'favor'. I could never seem to make
this man see what he was doing to me, and he never seemed to care. For the
longest time I seriously believed that this man "just couldn't see." It was
never that he "couldn't" see. He knew (NOBODY is THAT
stupid)...he just pretended not to know. (Remember...high IQ.
...Intelligent. ...Aware. ...Knows right and wrong, too.) I could not make
this man stop, either. If I told him to stop, the argumentitive emails
would only continue in defiance. If I threatened to complain to the club, he'd
say "And what are you going to say? Do you really think they'll
BELIEVE you?" If I threatened to get a restraining order, he'd actually
stop...but only for two weeks, maybe three, or if I was REALLY angry, maybe a
month and a half. But then he'd only start in again...when he felt that enough
time had passed for me to "cool down". He's got this really off-kilter clock in
him. -Todd
If you want Scott thrown out as a club member, you need to file a
grievance with the club. You need to approach the board in person or with
a very specific direct letter requesting what you want done. In fact,
even if you do write a letter, you better be willing to come before the
board to state your case. Stuff like that doesn't just happen by itself.
It has to be important enough for at least one person to care and to
convince the others that it is worth caring about.
This is incorrect. In Robert's Rules, there are
provisions in there for a member demanding a "hearing" when another
member is being a problem. I asked for such a hearing on multiple occasions and
it went deliberately ignored. Jeff was an officer in the club and HE was told I
wanted such a meeting. I told the President. I told numerous other officers,
numerous Executive Board members. Jeff kept defending his position stating that
it needed to be in writing. (I guess umerous emails don't count as "writing",
and numerous personal verbal requests for such a hearing didn't count as
"official" in his personal, self-invented rule book.) And when one day during a
meeting at Piccadilly Restaurant I DID bring ask what the status was on my
motion to have a hearing regarding certain members who were harassing me, the
entire Board moaned and groaned and complained and some screamed "Oh COME ON!
We wanna go HOME!" So it's not that I didn't do everything that was
required, it was that the officers of the club were outright refusing to abide
by Robert's Rules of Order and do what was required in the law
for them to do. So even the club never investigated. I'd done what was
required of me. The club consciously and deliberatley CHOSE not to do anything,
and to even keep my request for a hearing from the rest of the General
Membership, so that they didn't know, either. And in this way, nothing was done.
And just for the thought: Jeff was an OFFICER. It was his DUTY to bring my
complaints AND my requests before the Board. I'd specifically TOLD him to - on
numerous occasions. (His own email above acknowledges this.) He deliberately
chose not to take the matter to the appropriate (legally mandated) conclusion
required. And this puts that club at risk of a lawsuit, in itself! -Todd
>> Don't give him the satisfaction by being affected by it.
>
> That's a bit ridiculous to say. That's like someone cutting your arm off
> and saying, "don't let them see the pain, now!" Maybe this strategy works
> in prison camp - but not at real-world home.
You may not realize this, but maybe you just need to mentally forgive him
and move on. Harboring resentment will serve no purpose other than to
drain your energy and focus. You can't change other people. You only
have the power to change yourself. You can't control the environment
you're in, but you can certainly control how you react to it.
Again, Jeff turns the blame around on ME. Jeff encouraged
this man. He GOT Scott focused on me in the first place, makes him a problem
for me. THEN he turns it around and tells me that I just need to let it go. It
was a sick game to him.
You don't need to punch someone in the nose, or get all defensive, or feel
resentful. Whether or not you have that level of control is up to you.
This is all mental and it is totally within your control for how you react
to any situation. Its called positive mental attitude. Still, I doubt
there is anything I can say that will fix it and make it all better. But
perhaps I can give you a different perspective so you can have a different
outlook that allows you to cope with it better.
Always try to finish by saying something to try to make
Todd's head explode. Blame everything that happened to him at my hands all on
him. Tell him that HE'S the problem, and that HE'S the one making it all
happen to himself. And don't forget to add that of course you're just trying to
help him.
This is actually the exact behavior documented of psychopaths in books
about psychopaths. -Todd
> Todd
>
>
Jeff
From: Jeff Capehart [w4ufl@ham.w4dfu.ufl.edu]
Sent: Friday, May 13, 2005 11:11 AM
To: Todd L. Sherman/KB4MHH
Subject: Todd (fwd)
I guess you spoke too soon about Scott. I have no idea what this does.
-Jeff
---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Fri, 13 May 2005 11:04:03 -0400
From: scwest1@cox.net
To: w4ufl@arrl.net
Subject: Todd
Jeff,
This is Scott. In Windows Media Player 9 open it up and type Gerorge Carlin and
Click on the first link named Guys named Todd. besure to turn the volume down
so you don't get in trouble. THanks
Scott
Again, try to make Todd's head explode, now.
Remember...aggitate him wherever possible. Here, tell him everything is
his own fault, but be sure to remind him in the same paragraph about all
the stupid little things Scott is doing and saying - just to get him upset.
Jeff is VERY, VERY slick. He's not a dumbass. He knows exactly what he
is doing. And the thing is, everybody knows exactly how smart this man
is. He's literally a genious. So how can someone so intelligent miss
what he was doing? I don't buy it. But people are so enamored with him that
this fact just escapes them and they're all too willing to believe that
"Jeff didn't mean to make Todd upset! It was just an accident!
And Todd?...why...he's just misinterpreting Jeff's truly good
intentions!" Right?
Yah, I believe Jeff is 'good' like I believe that the Devil is 'good'.
Jeff's not a dumbass, and he knows what he's doing. He's not suffering
from some kind of a "temporary lapse in judgement". ...Not in any way.
The rest is just a repeat of the above...Jeff blames Todd, makes pointless
arguments, Todd defends himself and doesn't realize Jeff is just being an
asshole and trying to make his head explode.
I'm not gonna narrate the rest, but I leave it here in the hopes that reading
it explodes the heads of the readers and in so doing the reader will understand
what the hell I was having to go through. Jeff emailed me in this fashion for
almost 17 years it never once hit me that I was in an abusive relationship
because it's not something one wants to admit of someone who is supposed to
be your "friend". But boy when I did, he turned far WORSE. I would
love to be standing over the shoulder of the psychologist and read the
results of the Hare PCL/R Test when finally applied to this asshole. -Todd
From: Todd L. Sherman / KB4MHH [skywarn@fireline.org]
Sent: Friday, May 13, 2005 12:13 PM
To: 'Jeff Capehart'
Subject: RE: Todd (fwd)
Huh. Gee. Kinda makes yuh wonder what I did there to give him something to
go on, doesn't it? ...I mean, not even being AROUND and all. I seem to be an
unending fascination with the man.
I'm telling you...there are some people for whom the adage "Just ignore him
and he'll go away!" does not EVER work. (The 'North Florida Jammer,' for one
instance; and Scott for another.) Some people continue until the rest of the
clique TELLS him to knock it off because he's being uncool. However, if the
clique in some even SLIGHT way manages to give him the impression that his
jokes and harassments are COOL or FUNNY, then he continues. Or lemme put it
another way...if you LAUGH at his stupid jokes, then he thinks he's cool.
These people need force to be stopped, unfortunately. And usually, no one
wants to go that far...i.e., to actually TELL someone to knock it off. No one
these days has any balls, anymore. Instead, they laugh at his jokes in
"tolerance mode." This is as bad as actually encouraging the guy to keep going
by TELLING him to do so.
Unfortunately, he's right, though. It's absolutely correct...the name "Todd"
*IS* unfairly joked about time and again, and I get so sick and tired of it.
It started with the Saturday Night Live skit with Bill Murray and Gilda Radner
and the "knoogie patrol". Remember? Since then, it's become a big joke.
Something that people LOOK for now that they've been sensitized to it. It's
exaggerated now and Todd is deliberately used in TV shows as a joke name, and
to represent the stupid guy, the nerd, the shy guy, the weird guy, the rapist...
pick your favorite. It's to the point that as soon as you shake someone's hand
and you say your name, people think "Oh no; another Todd!" I've seriously
thought about using my middle name when I introduce myself, but personally, I
think it's just as bad. "Hi, I'm Lawrence." :)
Oh! OOPS! Oh, gosh! GEE whiz! Awww, I HATE it when dat happen! Dahwn it!
I just accidentawwy ewased AWWWW of Scott's paguh awarms in duh WxMesg pwogwam!
Awwww! I jus' dun' knuh HOW dat happen'd! :( Aww..POOW Scott! (tsk-tsk-tsk!)
(...the Asshole.)
Todd
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Jeff Capehart [mailto:w4ufl@ham.w4dfu.ufl.edu]
> Sent: Friday, May 13, 2005 11:11 AM
> To: Todd L. Sherman/KB4MHH
> Subject: Todd (fwd)
>
> I guess you spoke too soon about Scott. I have no idea what this does.
>
> -Jeff
>
> ---------- Forwarded message ----------
> Date: Fri, 13 May 2005 11:04:03 -0400
> From: scwest1@cox.net
> To: w4ufl@arrl.net
> Subject: Todd
>
> Jeff,
>
> This is Scott. In Windows Media Player 9 open it up and type Gerorge
> Carlin and Click on the first link named Guys named Todd. besure to turn
> the volume down so you don't get in trouble. THanks
>
> Scott
From: Jeff Capehart [w4ufl@ham.w4dfu.ufl.edu]
Sent: Tuesday, August 02, 2005 3:51 PM
To: Todd L. Sherman / KB4MHH
Subject: RE: By the way... the two Scott's ...
On Tue, 2 Aug 2005, Todd L. Sherman / KB4MHH wrote:
> And why does Scott think he has such a chance? And why does Scott even
> know? I thought you weren't going to tell him anything anymore. Stop
> involving the idiot in anything we do. Stop telling him all the latest on
> what's up with Todd and SKYWARN. Don't give the idiot any ammunition. If
> you cannot do this then please stop complaining to me about him because I
> don't want to hear it anymore.
Scott seems to be the first person to respond to volunteer for anything.
Maybe its because no one wants him around so he is free to do a lot of
stuff. Maybe he really wants to help, but his in-your-face persistence
rubs a lot of people the wrong way. Sure he is boorish. And here you
sit calling him an idiot when you can't stand anyone calling you one.
Except you self-deprecate yourself occasionally.
> Scott should be history with you by now and he is not. Why?
Like I was saying, Scott was the only volunteer to help with EchoLink. He
came out and actually WORKED at the station. He used a hacksaw and cut a
pipe several times without complaining about his hands hurting. He always
asks about "Todd" and "Skywarn". I tried to get away but he chased me
down in the parking lot and harangued me for an hour to pry info out about
what's going on. And if you want to quit and go hide, what does it matter
then if Scott comes back to being part of Skywarn? That's about all he
and Jay have left anyway. I don't complain about Scott to you -- I just
pass along what I hear. Does it sound like complaining? I don't make
value judgements on stuff like that. I just pass it on without judgement.
> I knew this was going to happen anyway. Gary wants things, and then
> leaves you in the dark. But telling you this would not have done anything
> except make you doubt me and you needed to learn this on your own. I'm not
> dealing with people doubting me anymore. Everybody from now on is doing
> their own work and finding things out for themselves all the difficulties,
> and the whys, and the hows. I'm sick of people telling me how I need to do
> this and how I should do that, and then complaining when their ideas don't
> work.
Gary Hunt was not the issue and you know it. Gary was a test case for fax
receiving. The fact that he can't communicate very coherently about
technical details does make it difficult to determine success or failure.
But it was funny to hear that EMWIN kept faxing him over and over and
over. It turned out to be a pretty good test afterall! And it showed a
flaw in the EMWIN SYSTEM SETUP (actually Weather Message manual) where it
was implied that faxing could be done just by adding a fax group. You
didn't know that. I didn't know that. As far as we knew, faxing was
automatic -- just plug in the phone. Well, not so easy.
> You need to learn EMWIN and that's why I've been backing out of that
> pretty much for the past few months. It's worked, because you're finally
> starting to see how NOT so cut-and-dry-easy everything is. I was getting
> real sick and tired of being criticised for not being able to handle this
> bulletin this way, and the next bulletin another way, and handling alarms
> one way and another. Slowly, you're seeing why I've done things the way I
> have, and why some things weren't done at all. Danny has made SOME
> improvements since I started, but to take advantage of them now would mean a
> total overhaul of the current alarms setup and it's something I've just not
> wanted to jump into right away. Neither have you or you probably would have
> jumped on THAT by now, too. It is a HUGE task, isn't it? Do you BLAME me
> for not wanting to jump right on that? As it is, things ARE working; so
> it's not like the job MUST be done IMMEDIATELY. But it WILL get done. Just
> be patient.
OK Hold on there partner. Whoaaah nellie. I have offered numerous times
to sit down WITH you and sort all this stuff out. You refuse to go down
to the club station. You make it out like its because of me--- like you
don't LIKE going down to the station because I'll just make you look
stupid or treat you like an idiot. If that's so, why have you never said
anything about it before???? Speak up dude! My "style" is not set in
stone. I am adaptive. I thought you could show me in person why you did
things a certain way, and explain to me why we CAN'T do certain things
without passing it off with "it's complicated", or "its too hard to do",
or "Danny's program doesn't work that way". Yes, I may have an idealized
way of doing things... but that's because that's how I think. I have a
broad range of experience in IT applications so I know what I am talking
about. BUT--- I am not a "Weather Message Setup" expert. You are. Why
should I have to learn for myself by trial and error when you have gone
through all that?
>
> As far as Scott, just SHUT UP. Don't give him any fodder/ammunition.
> Don't give him any reason to believe he has any kind of a foothold. He
> doesn't. But you keep talking to him and giving him all the information he
> wants and needs, and inso doing, you give him the impression that he DOES
> have some form of power. Now, I know a bit about psychology. If you'd
> ACTUALLY been giving Scott the cold shoulder as you've been saying, then
> Scott wouldn't be coming to you for info and talking to you all the time.
> However, since he's coming to you, and he's apparently feeling so bold, this
> means you've been giving him as much as he wants, and not putting forth much
> effort at keeping anything quiet.
Scott shows up at GARS meetings, COMM meetings, and a lot of stuff. He
emails me constantly too. I probably have a message from him an average
of once a day. That's why I forward you those emails... to show you Scott
is still doing his thing. Its like "keeping up on the Scott scene without
having to deal with Scott". Well, that's how I look at it.
Besides--- what's there to keep quiet anyway? There isn't anything going
on.
> There IS one out to this argument...but it's a "Todd" excuse...one you and
> Susan used to refuse to allow me to use......and that is.....that Scott
> might not BE of the personality type to just "leave you alone" if you leave
> HIM alone. With some people, letting something die, or leaving someone
> alone...just does NOT work. People need to quit relying on that wives tale
> so damned much. Because you know, it's a real god damned pain in the ass
> for those who are innocent and being unjustly wronged. It REALLY fucking
> gets in the way. (...As you're slowly coming around to realizing.)
> Be interesting to see which angle you choose to use, here.
Well, its easy to leave Scott alone. He doesn't have a phone anymore. He
works two jobs and has no free time. Sueann makes him work around the
house. Sueann won't give him a cell phone and they cancelled their home
line. I doubt he even has DSL or cablemodem. I only hear him on the
radio occassionally but he is on APRS so you can track him anywhere.
>
> Every time somebody fucks up and gets the loudmouths in an uproar again, I
> just back off and go into hiding to wait yet again for things to cool down.
> I also move more and more silently and leave more and more people in the
> dark, and I find more new friends, and work with THEM instead of the ones
> who prefer to pound on me. If you WANT things to take forever to get done,
> then just keep talking negatively about me to Scott, and Susan, and whoever
> else, and getting them up in arms over me. Remember when I once described
> you as a Devil's Advocate who sits back and laughs? That's because you ARE.
> That's exactly what you do. You like to get with the other side and tell
> them secrets and things they REALLY don't NEED to know, and then you watch
> the mayhem happen. I'm not telling you any more secrets about my life or
> SKYWARN, Jeff. I'm not making that mistake again. You act like you
> learn...but only for a few weeks or so - until the smoke clears. Then it's
> back to poking the stick and testing me again.
Things never cool down for you. I never experience this mayhem so I have
no idea what you are specifically referring to. Do you have examples of
people pounding on you or getting up in arms? Was I there when this
happened?
Besides -- last Skywarn meeting-- you just sat there like a member. You
didn't DO ANYTHING that was remotely leadership-like, or organizational
planning, or instructions to members or any of that stuff. You came to
the previous GARS meeting with Phil & Melissa after saying you WEREN'T
coming. Did anyone embarrass or harass you at the meeting? Did you get
thrown to the wolves? The loudmouths???
> I'm just sick and tired of the way people have been treating me these past
> couple of years. I'm not kidding. I'm fucking serious. I've had it. I've
> quit the GARS Executive Board to get away from Susan and Scott, and I've
> quit GARS, and GARC, and ham radio altogether. But this doesn't seem to be
> enough for anybody. What ELSE do I have to do to show everyone how serious
> and sick and tired I am of people getting in my face and on my fucking back
> about every god damned stupid, useless little thing? People need to fucking
> get up of their asses and start volunteering to help out with things
> THEMSELVES and quit complaining about how TODD isn't doing it ALL, and all
> by HIMSELF...or they can shut the hell up.
Do you realize that it isn't GARS or GARC or ham radio that anyone is
putting your feet to the fire over? Its being Skywarn Coordinator. You
have taken the role and thus you are the lead person. People want you to
make decisions, to set the plans, to communicate them, and to DO
SOMETHING. You complain when people do things without your permission.
Yet you specifically refuse to answer phone calls, emails, or participate
in radio nets to avoid contact and "go into hiding". How is someone
supposed to get permission to do something if you won't talk to them?
You know, maybe GARS doesn't need "Alachua County Skywarn" to be able to
have a Skywarn Committee. Maybe ARES doesn't need "AC Skywarn" to be able
to become ARES/RACES/SKYWARN. Maybe all the spotter hams who aren't Todd
Sherman will be glad to participate in "Skywarn Nets" on GARS repeaters
that are specifically NOT "Alachua County Skywarn" nets. That way you can
have your organization all to yourself and do it the way you want and
offer 1 class a year and never have to go to any meetings at all. How's
that sound?
>
> And YOU...need to learn how to do things on your own, without me being
> around all the time. It's called "dependency," Jeff. There's no NEED for
> me to be in the repeater room with you when I have no technical knowledge
> that can possibly do you any good. I've told you before that that stuff is
> personally way too complicated for me and above my head. I do no one any
> good in cases like that. I don't HAVE to be there for every stupid little
> thing. You however, seem to have this fixation with "teaching" me things,
> and you make it a limitation on the friendship. "You MUST DO this, or else
> you're a lazy good for nothing idiot and I'm going to TELL everyone that
> that's what you are!" Who the hell said it was even a REQUIREMENT that I
> have to learn all these "things" that you try to "teach" me? You once told
> me that you wished I wouldn't avoind you and that I'd just say NO when I
> didn't weant to do something, because then you'd just leave me alone. Well,
> that's toally false. That doesn't work with you. When I say NO, you give
> me hell, and you don't stop. There are no excuses for me with you...or with
> Susan. You make everything a condition, a limitation...on the friendship.
> "If you don't do this Todd, then you are bad."
So you are telling me you can't learn any of this stuff? That its too
hard for you to understand? That you are not capable of doing these
things?
There were several reasons I invite you to all these things:
1) I can't do it all --- I was hoping to have a backup person
2) Why should I do it alone when I've got a friend who can help?
3) Maybe you would actually LEARN something and improve yourself.
4) Maybe this would increase your skills, knowledge, or confidence in
being able to do stuff that you have told yourself you can't do.
5) Something to be proud of and to brag about as an accomplishment.
6) Before you had a job, you were free just about any time --- no
girlfriend, no wife, no job, no committments.
7) No one else seemed as enthusiastic or willing to do all the things that
you and I were interested in--- weather station, EMWIN, shuttle link,
repeater, autopatch, EchoLink, Skywarn, you name it.
>
> And yes...Susan is ALSO dependent upon me, as evidenced every time she
> bitches and moans about me while you two are in bed, or at the dinner table,
> or while watching a movie. She CANNOT let me go. So...that means I am
> there with her at every moment. Not because *I'M* there with her - picking
> on her. But rather, because she PREFERS to keep the subject of Todd alive.
> This is not my fault, but her's. She MUST have me to bitch about, or she
> does not feel "right". Thus, she is "dependent" upon me. It also has to do
> with a mental problem that she canot bring herself to admit or allow herself
> to see. But I'm not a psychologist and I cannot help her with that. But I'm
> sorry to say it Jeff...in effect, I am, yes, your wife is "in bed" with me.
> (And you know damned well what I mean by that.) But that's by her own
> choice, not mine. She MUST let go of me HERSELF. That INCLUDES using YOU
> as her arm extended, too. Hiding behind you to avoid getting in trouble
> with eeryone else is just the act of a coward and a very evil
> person...because she doesn't give a damn what could happen to YOU if it
> resulted in something that got you in trouble. THAT'S how obssessed with me
> she is...that she would sacrifice you like that.
I think you do yourself an extreme disservice to think this way. It is
much more likely that you are obsessed with her (over how much you think
she hates you). Do I think Susan thinks you're an idiot? She tells me
that just about any time your name is mentioned. And of course she thinks
you're lazy, inconsiderate, spoiled, selfish, and incompetent too. But I
don't think she hates you like it boils up in anger -- except when you
said she was sleeping with Larry. Most of the time I think she just
"couldn't care less" about you but if your name is mentioned she wouldn't
hesitate to throw out a few insults. Is that hating someone? I don't
think so. It may not be nice, but I don't think its hate.
>
> BUT!...Doesn't matter anyway, now. I've lost all interest in ham radio,
> now - because people LIKE Susan and Scott and others have made it so not fun
> for me, anymore. I'm too stupid. I'm too incapable. I'm too lazy. I'm
> too lacking in far too many ways, apparently. And everything is always my
> fault...according to Susan, and Scott, and you. So all of you now have your
> way. I'm gone. I'm burned out.
Ahhh see... you've got it then. You forgot unreliable. But since you're
"gone", then no one will have to rely on you anymore. So don't worry
about it.
> I've decided to find other, better people as friends. ...People who aren't
> out to use me and prove how stupid I am. I am now an obsession for far too
> many people. Far too many people have crossed lines and actually interfered
> in my personal life. ...calling my home and leaving threatening messages
> (Scott), sending threatening/harassing pages (Scott), sending
> threatening/harassing emails (Scott), emailing potential girlfriends and
> destroying their faith in me before I even have a chance (you), running
> scripts and programs which track my every move on the web (you), calling all
> the lines in the home to see which ones I'm active on and/or to see if I'm
> home (you, Scott), criticising me in front of 50+ people at a time, or on
> the air, and calling everything I've ever done "stupid", "useless",
> "meaningless", and "serving no purpose" and delibnerately trying to sabotage
> every idea and project I've ever attemped to work on (your wife), taking
> actions neither nvoted upon nor authorized by GARC and potentially
> (POTENTIALLY) destroying a project that was underway (your wife), publicly
> saying things in GARC meetings like "and don't give it to TODD...he'll just
> screw it up" (your wife), going behind my back and going to Tom under
> pretense of having my authorization to have him program pagers with other
> peoples' pager pin numbers and codes (Scott)...etc. I can go on and on and
> on.
> ...I'm being stalked. So I'm hiding. I'm running away. You all win.
You make this out like its all about you. EVERY TIME you do this. Because
everyone things "Todd Sherman" whenever the word "Skywarn" is mentioned
around here, there is no escaping! You make things worse by running away
and hiding. Why can't you confront these issues head on and then move
on?? Every time there is a problem, we get to hear about all the past
history of all the "abuses" against Todd. Bill Wells this. GARS that.
Susan this. Scott that. Do you realize that no one else (except maybe
Alisa) cares about that? Its all about saying what you're going to do
and then doing what you said you would do. Reliability. Dependability.
Consistency. Leadership. Determination. Courage. Service.
> And I'm not telling anyone anything anymore about the goings on in my
> personal life, either. From now on, that's off limits. People have just
> been far too irresponsible with the trust I gave them. I've been far too
> open, and given people far too much open credit. Not anymore.
So you go get a DVD player and didn't tell me that one. So you decide to
not answer the phone, not respond to emails, and not get on the radio.
Are you asking for someone to have to drive over and visit you at your
house to be able to coordinate with you over things like meetings,
trainings, programs, membership, procedures, and organizational stuff?
What ever happened to the Palm Beach couple? What happened to that Chris
guy? What happened with the templates for the Tuscaloosa Skywarn that
could be adapted into AC-Skywarn?
> A guy ACTUALLY asked me for my autograph the night of the spotter class.
> While I felt kinda proud, it also made me feel a little weirded, and made me
> realize something...publicity can also be scary in the other things that it
> can manifest on the leader(s).
Get over yourself!
> You have not been walking in my mocossins to POSSIBLY understand what I've
> had to go through with these wacko people these past few years...your own
> wife included. My life hasn't been ruined by my own "reputation" but by
> people who just can't keep their mouths shut about my personal life and who
> can't leave me along long enough to MAKE something of myself before they
> pull the rug out from underneath me with another rumor spread, another
> letter sent, another smart comment publicly made on the repeater, etc. You
> don't WANT me to succeed in my life. It would mean you couldn't BITCH about
> me anymore, and you guys just cannot allow that. SO you do everything you
> can to destroy every forward move I make.
Like I said before, the only reason anyone is bitching about your personal
life is because you make it an excuse for not doing the Skywarn
Coordination. Why not offer it up to someone else and see who takes it?
> I am taking that power out of everyones' hands, now. I am not around in
> your lives anymore. I should not be a problem. You should all be happy
> now.
>
> People keep telling me what a shitty job I've done with SKYWARN. I've
> actually done a lot more. I've created a miracle with what we now have.
> You take AWAY credit for a HUGE...HUGE accomplishment that I performed over
> the past 8 years. The ONLY thing everyone sees wrong is how we're not
> formed into a real CLUB on paper. But no one can agree on HOW to form the
> club and everyone has their own image on how SKYWARN should be operated.
> Until a mutual idea can be had, we can't form SKYWARN into a club then. But
> I WILL not allow SKYWARN to become a government-run entity. I've seen too
> many times how THAT can go when upper echelons change power around. I WILL
> not allow it to become a GARS-controlled entity. GARS has a god complex.
> It does not have a SKYWARN mentality or attitude. It has a GARS-ONLY
> mentality and attitude. I WILL not allow it to become anything but it's OWN
> entity, with its OWN rules or procedure...not GARS's, and not EM's, and not
> the ARRL's. It's an NWS program and it will follow the NWS's idea...not the
> ARRL's. And SKYWARN WILL support EVERYONE...not just hams. GARS is not
> willing to take that kind of responsibility on. It WILL die beneath the "we
> don't have the budget to handle that" idea. I promise you.
See--- that's exactly it. You feel a sense of ownership with "Alachua
County Skywarn". You don't want to just give it away. You have a fear
that it will be run a different way--- maybe even better than before. But
more so, it would mean your main focus in life is gone. You have shifted
focus elsewhere (career, family, friends) so why not give up Skywarn too?
Why stick it out? Its only for the glory and recognition.... no wait, you
don't like that because of stalkers. So... what do you care anymore then?
Its because it would be like throwing away everything you have done for 8
years and making it all a moot point. You wouldn't be able to be proud
and say "look, I did that" or "this is *my* organization".
> I'm focusing only on SKYWARN, now. ...But AS I have the time...and not
> when everyone else demands Todd do something that they themselves aren't
> willing to do, or to even HELP me do.
Ha ha ha... focusing on Skywarn. Yeah right. Since when? You are the
one who has to "hide" everything:
Todd says:
* Don't tell people I'm quitting smoking -- if I fail, I'll never hear
the end of it!
* Don't tell people I FINALLY got a job --- then they'll wonder what I've
been doing for that past 10 years.
* Don't tell people I stayed in my trailer during the hurricanes --
they don't need to know that and it will make me look bad
* Don't tell people my Mom has cancer --- they'll surely give me the
old "I TOLD YOU SO" treatment
* Don't tell Scott ANYTHING about what we do -- he'll just come back in
force
* Don't tell anyone that Trent is in jail --- I'll be really embarrassed
because then everyone will think "like brother, like brother" and then
they'll think I'M a child molester too!
* Don't tell anyone what we've got planned with Skywarn because when I
don't deliver -- they'll think I'm a failure
It just goes on and on and on. You should be setting people's
expectations. YOU should be communicating what's going on. YOU should be
coordinating. If X,Y, and Z are working on AB &C , then TELL people that.
If it will take a few months, tell people that! Set yourself a deadline
so you will know if you're making progress!
> As for anything else...I just really couldn't give a rat's ass right now;
> and Scott and his assenine idiocies is/are NOT my concern, anymore. And
> neither is Susan, or you, or anyone else who insists upon seeing only my
> negatives and none of my positives. I don't need that in my life. I need
> positive. I need sunshine. I need happiness. I need to move on to people
> who are more willing to offer that more much more easily and openly. As it
> is right now with everyone else, I'm just a punching bag...and I'm SORRY if
> I don't like it.
>
> Todd
You are a punching bag because you let yourself be a punching bag. You
avoid rather than confront. What is so wrong with confronting people ?
I'm not talking about fist-fight. I'm talking battle of wits.
Maybe you just already know you're going to lose that battle so you run
away and never fight it. YOU need to grow some balls and stand up for
yourself.
You make me out to be your worst enemy. I don't consider that to be the
case. I have offered you suggestion after suggestion after suggestion.
I've given you an outside perspective. I've tried to tell you want the
problem is and how to correct it. When that doesn't work, I've tried
using other people you know and your friends to help convince you of the
error of your ways. Then you get mad at me.
The problem is, you can't stand the pressure. Its almost like I have to
be your parent. "Todd do this. Todd don't do that. Todd why aren't you
doing X?" "Todd why did you stay up until 2am last night?" "Todd where
are we on XYZ?" "Todd get down here and fix this."
If that's the way you are perceiving things, no wonder you don't want to
be around me. But have you said anything about that before? Why not?
Because it might damage our friendship? [So then what is hiding doing
about it?]
If I were to know you're not interested in doing "fill in the blank every
stupid little thing" then I would have no reason to call you. Like the
fax setup. Or the weather station install. Or the new VWS setup. Or
EchoLink. Or the shuttle link. You have this idea that people should
pick up on "hints."
1) I'll just ignore Jeff's pages and not call him back -- maybe he'll get
the hint
2) I'll just ignore Jeff's emails -- maybe he'll get the hint
3) I'll stop answering the phone -- maybe he'll get the hint
Why not just say "Don't call me about __XYZ__" or just "don't call me
anymore" ? You fail to realize that when some people sense that you are
avoiding them, they go to GREATER lengths to try to contact you unless you
tell them to stay away! And why? Because they are supposed to "get
permission" from you before doing anything.
So now how is anyone supposed to contact "Skywarn" if Todd isn't answering
the phone, or answering emails, or showing up for meetings?
Is it time for new leadership? It won't be me--- but there may be
someone out there willing to tackle it.
Is it time for the LEADER to start LEADING and setting the expectations so
that there isn't a lot of grumbling and resentment and disillusionment ?
One reason Susan doesn't like Skywarn and why she doesn't like me doing
anything FOR Skywarn or that would benefit Skywarn is because it would
"make Todd look good". She has encouraged me to stop everything and just
let Skywarn fall apart on its own.
If you want to take a break, a vacation, a rest, or whatever... fine.
Just tell people that! Say you are going on vacation for a month and
you'll get back with everyone about Skywarn on Sept. 1st or whatever.
And then follow through! That's what is expected of leaders. You
complained all the time about Ron and ARES. He wouldn't do any Skywarn
stuff and that's why we formed AC Skywarn. Maybe since John is "Skywarn
Net" friendly, maybe there is no need for Skywarn now? How much of a
vacation do you want? Permanent or temporary?
Dude, you and I really need to talk and get everything out in the open and
not in email. Let me know. It's sad that I had to mention Scott's
name to provoke you enough to actually respond.
-Jeff